Wednesday, 22 October 2014

Unfulfilled Deathwish

Amidst the joy and the glee
and when the lights rise in the night and flicker.
I see darkness drilling into me deeper. 
Hollowness seeps painfully
right into my soul.

Chills of morning they hit me, they repel.
Sensing something colder that rests within me.
I guess some good memories have now
turned back to hurt me, oh, the irony!

Love was. The ultimate folly
has infested my soul with melancholy.
I'm not fine, once again i have lied.
All the pain under a smile, discreetly disguised.

I don't remember the face, I remember the feeling
Just enough, for the killing
My emotions are stabbing me, Why can't i die?
All the tears frozen, in the corner of my eye.

I  can't feel my heartbeat but there is no flat line.
My breathing is gone but the respiration is fine.
An Unfulfilled deathwish of
someone is dead.
Someone is alive

Saturday, 9 August 2014

At Dawn


What ended with a whimper 
 begins with a yawn
 At Dawn

 Toil sweat and faith
 Watches lines of fate, drawn and redrawn.
 At dawn.

 Night of dispair ends.
 Another glory gone.
 At dawn.

 A dream is dead
 A hope is born.
 At dawn.

Sunday, 3 August 2014


This post has been published by me as a part of the Blog-a-Ton 48; the forty-eighth edition of the online marathon of Bloggers; where we decide and we write. To be part of the next edition, visit and start following Blog-a-Ton.
“Emergency, patient complains of severe chest pain and recurrent seizures. Last seizure recorded 2 days back, dropping blood pressure, dropping heartbeat, 50, 48, 43……….”

“Give me 30mg Roxanol, Furosemide 60mg stat! Hold his hand nurse, 20 mg Roxanol, Stat!”
“The blood pressure is dropping 90/70, it’s decreasing”

“Give  40mg hydralazine, the heart rate is getting stable now, 60, 70, 89, 90 91,90. Blood pressure seems stable, the situation is in control. Nurse note his vitals at 1900 and add atropine at 2100. Report for any irregularities, I will proceed with the differential”

Dr Skyme watched his junior handle a rather usual case with amazing dexterity. He has handled many cases in his professional career of 30 years but the clichéd satisfaction that doctors achieved from saving lives has diminished overtime to the level of boredom. Maybe old age is synonym of boredom. Things are different now than they were 15 years ago.

25 March

“Skyme and Mason, we have an unusual case, the patient complaints of recurring Meningitis, no apparent rashes and fever however”

“That we will see. I don’t want to work with this crack head Mason” Skyme interrupted the head of medicine.

“You have no other choice Skyme; you both get your issues sorted and work on this one”

Skyme was known as “the mechanist” aptly given to him for his rather mechanical and textbook way of approaching the cases. Mason on the other hand was “the scientist” experimenting with his patients. Even though they respected each other, they never got along very well for Masons eccentric habits. Once he let the heartbeat down to 30 before he injected the adrenaline shot. It was all  for fun! But when there was a challenge, he was the man for it.

Skyme and Mason worked on the patient with unusual symptoms, unusually. Skyme proceeded with the traditional lumbar puncture. Mason went for the CT of her chest and located a “Cicero giganum tapeworm” a worm mainly found in intestines. It was dangerously living in the pancreas and cysts were causing diminishing eyesight. Mason got the right diagnosis!

“Ah look at our very own grumpy Skyme. I got it right and you couldn't. “

“Right Mason, I guess we are even now eh? 6-6”

“I will make it 60-6 when I complete my new experiment to prevent multiple organ failure”
Skyme knew Mason was upto something. He rather doubted the outcome. He knew something might not go right or it might be too late to dispel these premonitions. He however never predicted that that moment might come up sooner than he expected.


15 November
Mason was walking alone in the lawns of the Central House. HE would finally be visiting his family after a week. He was in the last stage of developing the medicine for multiple organ failure. The night was unexpectedly calm. He produced a knock on the door, no one opened.

His cell phone ranged with an unusual sense of urgency.


“Jack is in critical state, report here at once”

A striking sense of panic trickled down his spine like a rivulet streams down on the chilled glass.. He rushed on his way to the hospital

“What is the situation of my son?”

“Seizure, high fever, abnormal heart rate, patient not responding to propanolol. Kidneys are beginning to give up. I haven’t seen such a case in my career.’ Skyme reported.

“Are seizures epileptic, no they can’t be, no hereditary problem, no allergy that I am unaware of”

“Well were you aware of the fact that your child was in fever for over a week” Susan retorted.

“Honey this is not the time or the place, what did you give him?

“You were not around. I gave him two tablets of acetaminophen for a week”

“Doctor we have a problem.” nurse shouted. Skyme went and examined him. Mason watched over
“Is it the same thing which I fear it is?” Inquired Mason

“Yes, Unfortunately. The liver is shutting down!”


HOM summoned a meeting of the doctors. It was deduced that the main cause might be lying in the bacteria. The main task was to save the liver and cure the infection in the pancreas.Time was running out!

Mason stood up. “I shall take over this case. I have just the right medicine to save my son”

Skyme knew what he was talking about “Don’t be in such a rush, Mason. Your drug isn’t FDA approved, you can get Jack killed. It hasn’t been tried and tested. We still have 15 hours; we will come up with something”

“I exercise my right of a parent and consent to the testing of this drug; it is to save my son”
“No, you are an able doctor but we can’t allow non approved drug to be tested not atleast in this hospital”

Mason showed the results of this drug on the lab rats and managed to convince the HOM. Skyme however was not convinced. “The salt details looks fine but still Mason give me some time.”
“I can’t Skyme, I can’t”

“Fine then, you shall be answerable for all the consequences then after”

“It is not the first time you have told me that, Mechanist!” a smile danced over his sullen tensed face.

The procedures were made ready. Jack was made ready for the surgery. 30mg of Masonofom was to be injected in his heart which shall rejuvenate the immune system and reinstate the kidney. It shall then be combined with Rho G and Victroza followed by Furosemide.

“Dad, will I be alright? You promise”
“Ye son you will be”

The procedures were completed. It was a successful surgery. The immune system was working fine and kidneys were beginning to improve. No decisive results came on Liver but it was improving after all Jack was feeling better. Until

“Dad” Jack howled “I can’t breathe. Too much pain”
“His heart rate is dropping, AV blockade. Atropine now! Morphine 20mg stat!”
“Dad, you were lying? “ Sudden calmness resonated in his voice amidst a terrible pain.
“I am sorry son”

His tears fell on the lifeless skin of his son.

21 March 2004

Sir HOM is asking for you”

With a shudder he travelled 17 years.

“Skyme, we have this unusual case, the kidneys aren’t able to produce urine, there is chest pain, tox screen is clear, spiking fever for a week, no response to aspirin”

With a sudden sense of realization he rushed to the ward, he checked the eyes of the boy.
“This case is strikingly similar to the one we encountered 17 years ago. Convene a meeting; we have 19 hours till this infection reaches the heart.”

A group of talented doctors assembled in the emergency room and began a differential, the viral infection was the most sought after suggestion because of the tox screen results but the symptoms were not conducive to it. Meeting went on for 4 hours without any systematic diagnosis. Viral infection was the most agreed upon option but there wasn’t any specific cure of it. With patient not responding to salicylic drug, chances were few. The option of increasing the dosage was also ruled out as aspirin was dangerous to the heart. In the meanwhile, kidneys were shut off and the boy lost his eyesight.

The time frame was now reduced to 12 hours and response team was stressed.

Skyme once gained joined the meeting.

“We must call the scientist!” Skyme suggested
“No we must not” replied HOM in an unusual blend of calmness and irk.

“What do you expect us to do? Sit like useless. This 12 year boy is fighting for his life. I know last time we failed but this time we don’t have any option. I know him, how passionate he is about medicine. Let’s call him and ask him whether he can treat this kid or not.”

All the inquisitive glances now fell on HOM. He had been gullible before but this time the stakes are higher.

“How will you call him, he is not available on phone, no one knows where he lives, we just don’t have time!”

“I know precisely where he shall be found, till then treat the kid with heparin and warfarin for his lungs. This disease goes through lungs. It may buy us few hours at least”

The rain has chosen the right moment to fall as Skyme made his way towards the city graveyard. His hazy sight noted a man who had given up on the life and seemingly inspecting the place where he shall lie when he sleeps forever. It was him, The Scientist!

Mason was standing in front of a grave and was reading something from a yellowish crumpled piece of paper. Skyme went in closer to listen. It was an apology letter. It was Jacks grave.

“It’s been a while, Scientist.” Skyme greeted

“No one calls me by that name anymore. I left everything for good. My kid died because of me, his words “You lied” keeps on reverberating in my ears. I am sorry; I am of no use right now”

“Well, it was indeed your fault and you are not god. I don’t think apologizing to your dead son will help when you just can’t forgive yourself. I am here to give you an opportunity of redemption. Come with me and save a life. Your actions will speak louder than words”
Uncertainty loomed around and dissolved in the raindrops.

Skyme returned to the hospital where HOM and his team waited for Mason rather anxiously. They were losing time and Mason was the only hope.

“I am not alone, here is the Scientist”

“It’s been a while over here, call me Mason, I have to redeem my title once again. How much time do we have? Let me have the file”

“Can you treat him Mason?” asked HOM

“I don’t know, but I haven’t been sitting idle for 15 years”

The procedure was established for the operation. Mason picked up his usual attire and Masonofom was injected into the lungs. All the standard procedures were completed.
“We have a problem here” shouted nurse. The heartbeat dropped drastically along with the blood pressure. Mason asked for Roxanol and Morphine for the chest pain and heart rate. The patient was far from stable!

“Now we have to wait, if this fever goes down, the heart rate will stabilize and we will succeed.” Mason informed the parents. They needed god to be on their side.

Skyme was a complete atheist but for first time in his life he hoped for a miracle.
Mason ordered for 200 icepacks to be placed on the bed of the patient. It was of no use……

“Doctor,” the nurse exclaimed “the fever is reducing, the fever is reducing. It’s working!” Skyme and his team took a sigh of relief. Skyme ran toward him  hugged him tightly. He couldn’t believe on this manifestation of a miracle.

“Call the parents from the church, ask them to meet their son. Tell them he is alright!” The face of the animated HOM was again a pleasant sight for the hospital.


24 March 2004

“Hi kid, I am Dr Mason, how are you feeling?”

“I am feeling good doctor, thank you for treating me’

“No need to thank me kid. You know my son was of your age when he became angry with me and ran away. I don’t know if he had forgiven me”

“Doctor, did you apologise?”
“Then he must have forgiven you” replied the kid and descended into a peaceful sleep.

“Well that was some emotional conversation you had there?” Mason joined him in the care unit room.

“Yes, indeed, you were right. An apology won’t right the wrong. I would like to thank you and HOM for giving me the chance of redemption. I need to catch up on lot of things”

“Tell me” Skyme asked “What was wrong last time? What were you sorry about?”

“I wanted to test my medicine, all those records were fraudulent. I administered high dosage of Rho G on my son, everything was wrong. Maybe it shall stay the same for eternity but I have to move on. There was a bacterium which fools the antibodies by taking up their shape and systematically destroys all the organs.”

“I am glad you were here this time Scientist. Indeed you have lot of catching up to do”


It was raining. Mason dialed a number and the answering machine answered.
“Hello Susan it’s me. Well it’s been 15 years and I want to apologise. I know that won’t make things right but its good for a start isnt it? I am willing to do everything that is needed to be with you once again. I have suffered a lot. Susan, you shall be my love forever but right now I have nothing to offer but an apology and a promise of  a lifelong fidelity. Please respond”

He looked up at his phone and took a cab to the Residency hotel where the new HOM was hosting a party.

*HOM- Head of Medicine

*All the Medical information here is fictional
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Thursday, 31 July 2014

Well Played!

She was in the canteen, alone.
He was with his friends.

He was everything she wanted in her life. 
He turned back and their eyes met. She blushed and looked away.
Coyly he stood up and paced towards her. Her heart raced, felt vibration in her pocket.

He stopped, she stood.
He blushed, she smiled. 
 All of a sudden he went on his knees and proposed.
she answered "Yes" and smiled , His friends cheered.
She had never been so happy in her life.

She checked her phone, there was a message, from him!
"I have a dare, Please play along"

Sunday, 20 July 2014


photo credits -
Its a dark place
where the sun has lost its way
Or shining the rays of dismay?

A forest of darkness
where  the corpses of the dead dreams
rots in oblivion
and the screams of aspirations
captured and tortured by failures
ravages the ear.

The Mind becomes the prisoner 
of apprehension, just like a criminal
waiting for his execution.
A fateful tragedy.

Its dark but your eyes can see
the eternal gloom. Your ears can listen 
to the sound of faith crumbling,
hopes shattering,
heart pounding,
mind numbing.
Its you succumbing
to depression.

Thursday, 3 July 2014


I never believed it, but that time i was sure.
Loneliness was my disease and you were the cure.
When the sun was hiding, i searched for your face
There was coldness in my heart and you sparked the blaze
The impenetrable fortress, you made me melt
Sudden tingly sensation, inside my heart, i felt
I wanted it to end, but this feeling, it didn't subside
It was an illusion and i wanted to be trapped inside.

My heart was barren and the seeds of love you've sown
It was all i had and all of it you own.
Cruel strike from reality and face off with my fate
slowly and silently,the illusion dissipates
Those seeds of love, they withered in the sand
and the story of love, met its dreadful end.
I craved for a shower of love, but it never rained
My heart was barren and barren it remained.

There was a dream now shattered like a glass
Broken reflections of my soul, scattered quite afar
It would take some time to collect them all
As one needs some to rise, after a massive fall
Chilled melancholy killed me and i wanted to be free
Happiness is addictive, like a truck it ran over me
crushed, sliced and torn in the love that i didnt find.
Left with broken heart, to exchange for a peace of mind.

Coldness has seeped in ,solitude is my mate
Crumbling leaves of memories, fall was their fate
Reason and passion in their chronic battle
turned emotions into a dust that doesn't settle.
Walled and fortified, my heart is now.
Dont hit me questions like why? and How?
For i craved for a shower of love, but it never rained
My heart was barren and barren it remained.

Thursday, 29 May 2014

In this Pursuit

Its the middle of the night.
The clouds have embraced the sky
and the darkness has engulfed the land.
No light from the stars to show me the path
The path that itself is shattered and corrupted
from the torrid rains of timeless denial.

But over this ruptured path
Under this acidic sour rain
that burns my heart inside
every time it touches my skin,
I choose to continue this journey,
an ordeal to get my true love.
Even though the rain is unceassant
and the journey, excruciating,
I am ready to walk on it
timelessly for eternity
for my pursuit shall end
or I shall end myself

(In this Pursuit.)

Tuesday, 27 May 2014


My heart is full, my throat is choked and my eyes swollen yet they refuse to shed a tear.  
I envy you for you can cry.

Saturday, 17 May 2014


It seems like centuries have passed
and not a drop of rain has fallen
on my wretched skin.

 Its not the lustful rain that i aspire for
 but a drop of care.
 From the mountains of love
 where dreams meet reality
 and unite into one.
 Like a union of body and soul.

 Please let me have a drop of that rain
 that you withhold with yourself
 or watch me wither
 waiting forever.

Sunday, 20 April 2014

Revolution Mistaken

The trend looks bad, The youth has not awoken
The change you expect, is a revolution mistaken.

An old legacy
of a young democracy
weeps slowly in her heart.
Caste creed, vote bank politics
tears its soul apart.
Sobbing slowly the nation sees
dying ideals of democracy.
Amidst the cases of delayed justice and corruption
The foundation of democracy is shaken.
The change we expect is a revolution mistaken.

Unequal wealth, unjust allocation
leads to poverty, which begets corruption
Its not just corruption but fearless greed
sparkling in the eyes of youth they lead.
The lust for power is same in all
The one who pursue it is destined to fall.

They say the youth will now lead this nation
this type of statement seems filled with fascination
for the rise and growth of new breed
Our nation is young, Youth is who we need
For my optimism lies at a place long forsaken
The change we expect is a revolution mistaken.

(Written in the context of University elections of Delhi University.  Unfair practices and corruption determines the winning prospects over here in youth politics. If they are the youth who will lead us in the future, I am very uncertain about the future of the country)

Monday, 10 March 2014

Death Row

A man on a death row

He is dying, but dying slow
and any moment the light will enter
in a damp morbid cell
in which rests a body, alive though but barely
to announce his day of execution.

Execution! the word is funny
for how are they going to execute?
The plan is simple
to kill the body that remains
as murder of soul was achieved
on a death row.
He waits and waits for the light
that will bring death
to the physical being of
the man on a death row.

Thursday, 13 February 2014

शर्म है

बढ़ रहा है देश अपना, जागो यह एक भर्म हैं
आज हर भारतीय को, हर भारतीय पर
शर्म हैं, बस शर्म है

रखेल बन गया है संसद
कुछ असामजिक तत्वो का
कुछ गुंडे कुछ मवालियों का
कुछ भ्रास्त बलात्कारियों का
धर्म के नाम पर भड़कना धमकना
आज इनका धर्म हैं

आज हर भारतीय को हर भारतीय पर
शर्म हैं, बस शर्म हैं

चलता बस देश अब
पूंजीपतियों के दम पर है
लड़ निकलो जब अपने हक़ के लिए तो
बाधा हर कदम पर हैं
इन पूंजीपतियों के कारण ही
महँगाई अपने चरम पर है

ऐसेक्रोनी कॅपिटलिज़म का
बाजार अब भी गरम हैं

आज हर भारतीय को हर भारतीय पर
शर्म है, बस शर्म हैं

रैन्गते है क़ानून यहाँ
जो कुचले जातें हैं
आतंकी बालकारियों द्वारा
सन्न कर दिया हैं हमें लुटती हुई लाज ने
जीवित को मुर्दा कर दे उस समाज ने
इन बड़े लोगों पर
साहेब अब भी नरम है

आज हर भारतीय को हर भारतीय पर
शर्म है, बस शर्म हैं .

Monday, 10 February 2014

यह मौसम कुछ सर्द है इन हवाओं मे कुछ दर्द है

यह मौसम कुछ सर्द है
इन हवाओं मे कुछ दर्द है

सिसकियाँ लेती है साँसे
जो रुकती सी आती है
यादों के कारण
कुछ रिश्ते थे
वो बह गये कौमी इकतिलाफ में
रिश्तों के हरे मैदान
अब बंजर है
उन रिश्तों की यादें अब
चुभती जेसे कोई खंजर है

यह मौसम कुछ सर्द है
इन हवाओं में कुछ दर्द है

जाड़े में ठिठुरती सी थी वो औरत
छोड़ आई थी घर भार
दंगो का कहर था
उससे बड़ी थी सर्दी की मार
तंबुओ का घर, पर नही मुड़ सकते वापिस
जहाँ लोगों का रक्त गर्म और रूह सर्द है
वहाँ की हवाओं में कुछ दर्द है

मुन्ना सांस नही लेरहा, कहर का जंजाल है
भागा मैं उस औरत के घर पर, देखा कुदरत की जो मार है
साँसे थम गयी, उसका जिस्म सर्द है
दफ़नाउंगी इसे अपने गाव में, वहाँ लाशो की भरमार है
मरता कौन है सर्दी से, कहती अपनी सरकार है